i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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