I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
