we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Randomize
