why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
