is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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