I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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