I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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