Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
