My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
