I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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