dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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