we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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