Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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