Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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