i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
