I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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