Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
