There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
