She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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