so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
