I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
