I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
