He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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