Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
