You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
