I hate all girls vehemently.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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