just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
