Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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