I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
