Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
