John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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