he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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