oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
