I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
