Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
