hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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