My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The best revenge is premature balding
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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