i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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