The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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