you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In America we eat man semen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
