I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize