And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize