found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
