dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
