So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
