Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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