I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
