if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
