my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
