my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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