it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
