I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
