I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
