but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
