i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
