walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
