The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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