I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
