went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
