I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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