maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
