yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Randomize
