I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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