So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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