so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
