We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
