don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
