it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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