You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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