Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
