make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
