I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
