wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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