so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
