i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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