He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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