He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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