This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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