Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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