Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
