I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
