Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
