the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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