So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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